Curse (Phan) -Ending A

Title: Curse
Author: Le moi (Ninjabuscus)
Genre: Kind of sad?
Rating: All the people of all the ages!
Warnings: Swear words? Self harm.
Disclaimer: One does not own Dan (DanIsNotOnFire) or Phil (AmazingPhil) None of this is real, just something I made up with my simple and bored brain. Do you see what boredom does to some people?
Author's Note: Enjoy! I’m sorry for you suffering through this. I would offer you Fruit Mentos and Maltesers, but I like them...

Dan’s PoV

“DAN!”

I opened my eyes and turned my head. Was that Phil’s voice? I looked around and sighed, he wasn’t there. I was just going crazy. I began to lean forward when I heard it again.

“DAN! DON’T DO IT!” That is Phil’s voice. Suddenly, I felt someone grab the sleeve of my jacket. I looked at the hand, it was very pale. Then I looked at the face, it was Phil, fear in his eyes. My heart warmed and then instantly broke again.

“Dan, what are you doing!?”

“About to jump.” I said, my voice emotionless.

“But WHY!? I read your note, I don’t understand why you’re doing this!” Tears began to roll down his cheeks.

“I can’t do this anymore Phil.”

“Can’t do what?”

“I can’t stand having my heart constantly stabbed by each and every one of your perfections. To have it torn apart when I see you, and to have it ripped out and thrown on the floor when you leave.”

“Dan please, don’t do it.” Phil cried.

“Why shouldn’t I? I’m just loves lost cause.”

“No you’re not! Why did you never tell me any of this before?”

“You don’t understand how hard it is to tell your best friend your problems. To tell them that you love them, that it has been the case for so long, and to tell them that you self harm.”

“I could have helped you Dan!”

“NOTHING HELPS PHIL!” I yelled. “I have tried everything. There is no hope for me. I’m tired of running from my problems. Why keep running, when one leap can end it?” I muttered, staring down into the water.

“Because I love you Dan! That’s why.”

Did he really mean it? I looked into his eyes, and saw nothing but truth. I smiled at him. Then I realised something he hadn’t. My feet were slowly sliding towards the edge, the rain had made where I’m standing slippery. If I moved, I would only end up in the water faster. I look down at my feet, and then back up at Phil. I gave him a quick kiss on his perfect lips, and then looked back into his eyes.

“Phil, please let go of my jacket.” I said calmly not giving anything away. I don’t want to alarm him, for him to know that however this went my fate lay in the freezing waters below.

“OK, sorry.” He said with a smile.

He let go of my jacket sleeve, and everything happened in slow motion. I finally slipped and was left dangling over the deep dark waters below me, holding onto the bridge with one arm. I was never the athletic type, so I was sure to let go soon.

“DAN!” Phil screamed. He tried to reach my hand, but he couldn’t reach. “Dan, don’t let go!”

“I’m sorry Phil.” I said, a single tear falling down my cheek.

“No, don’t say that!” Phil cried. “We’ll get you off this bridge and go home. Live life like none of this ever happened. I don’t want to live without you by my side! I love you!”

“That’s why I’m sorry Phil, because as much as I love you back I can’t stay by your side.”

I feel my grip on the bridge getting less and less each passing second. I look up at Phil’s angelic face one last time. His bright blue eyes are shining with tears that have not yet fallen. That tears that have fallen have left trails that reflect utter misery running down his pale cheeks. His dampened ebony hair is plastered to his face. As I said, angelic.

“Promise me one thing Phil.”

“Please Dan…” Phil sobbed.

“Never forget me, because even in death I certainly won’t forget you.”

“I won’t, I promise. I’ll never be able to forget you. But Dan…”

“Goodbye Phil, I love you.”

“Dan, please don’t go.”

I couldn’t hold on any longer, so I let go. Even when I hit the water, I kept falling. It was freezing, I couldn’t see where I was going, this was it. I would never find my way out of these dark waters. I was running out of oxygen, so I breathed in. My body expected air, but my lungs just filled with water. My last thoughts were of Phil before everything went black.

Phil’s PoV

“DAN!” I screamed, all the pain I feel reflected in my voice.

I looked down at where Dan had entered the water. There were a few bubbles which soon stopped. I went to climb over the railing, I have to get Dan. Just as I was about to go over, I felt two slim arms wrap around my waist. I fought to get free, I cried out for them to let me go. I have to save Dan, there’s still time.

“No Phil, don’t.” It was Hayley. “It’s too late. If you go you’ll only end up like Dan.”

“Let me go then! I don’t want to live if Dan isn’t here.” I cried.

“Don’t say that Phil. Come on, I called an ambulance and it should be here soon.”

“Dan…” I whispered as I heard the sirens getting closer.

Later

The ambulance arrived, so did the police. They sent a diver into the river, and he came back with Dan. They placed him in the ambulance and tried to resuscitate him, but he wasn’t coming back. Dan was gone. I screamed in pain as my heart tore apart over and over again. I just wanted to claw it out of my chest to spare myself the pain it caused. Once my screams turned into quiet sobs, they let me go to the hospital with them in the ambulance. Dan just lay there in his damp clothes, his eyes closed, his chest not rising and falling as it should. The journey went by in a blur, and not once did I let go of his hand.

The memory of that journey and what happened before is painful. Here I am now in the…morgue. No, it’s not a morgue, it’s just a…recovery room, yeah. Dan’s not dead, he can’t people. Dan of all people. I look down at him, he’s lying on a metal table with a pure white sheet pulled up to his shoulders. His skin, usually tanned, was now ghastly pale. His eyes were closed, hiding the warm chocolate brown eyes that were always full of life that I had grown to love. I knew though that if I opened his eyes they would just be brown, dull and lifeless. He had his hobbit hair, I always preferred it like that, even though he hated it.

He looks so peaceful, he’s just…sleeping. I only have a couple of minutes left before I have to leave. I lean down and brush his fringe away from his face. I kissed his forehead and let my lips linger for a moment.

“I love you Dan. Always have and always will.” I whispered.

I straightened up and placed Dan’s fringe back to how it was before. I looked at him one last time then left, not looking back.

One week later

The funeral was the last straw before I snapped. I dressed up in the suit I wore to the premier that Dan and I went to. Chris, PJ and I all went together. Hayley and Cassie turned up as well, along with Dan’s friends and family. The service went past quickly, it seemed that life wanted me to see my love put into the ground as soon as possible. During the service, I said a few words.

“Dan was my best friend. A great person. He was always happy, always himself, and always there when I needed him. I can’t help but feel that I am to blame for Dan’s death.” A single tear fell but my voice stayed strong. “I should have realised something was wrong. I had a feeling Dan was upset about something months ago. I always asked him if he was OK, and he would always say yes. I was too blind to see that that was not the case. He left me a note. It told me that he was loves lost cause. That note told me how he actually felt, of all the hurt he had felt, how he felt he was a problem. One line stuck with me though. ‘I love you Phil. Always have and always will’. I had felt the same way, I just couldn’t find the right time or words to express that. I did tell him, but it was too late for anything to change. I love you Dan, and I’m sorry.” I broke down into tears.

Hayley, PJ, Chris and Dan’s mum came up to comfort me, telling me I shouldn’t blame myself. Their comforting words were great, but I still felt like I was to blame and they weren’t enough to bring Dan back. Everyone went to look at Dan one last time before they would close the lid of his coffin. He was wearing one of his favourite outfits. His black skinny jeans, his eclipse shirt and converse. His hair had been straightened, and his arms were crossed across his chest. Then it was time to bury him. It is the worst thing, seeing your best friend, your flat mate, your love being laid to rest before their time. His grave was filled and I read his gravestone.

‘Daniel James Howell

1991-2013

Some British kid who happened to be an INTERNET CULT LEADER’

Happened to be an internet cult leader. I couldn’t take it anymore. Dan. Can’t. Be. Gone. The service had finished anyway so I just ran, tears flowing down my cheeks. Chris and PJ shouted after me, but I didn’t slow down. If anything I ran faster. Ten minutes later I reached the apartment. I unlocked the door, ran in, and locked the door behind me. I looked around. It felt so empty without Dan. He’s not dead, he’s not dead, he’s not dead. I pulled out my phone and called his number. I heard his ringtone from the kitchen, yet I refused to think it was his phone. I called five more times. I sighed and walked over to the kitchen. There on the island lay Dan’s notebook, I picked it up and flipped through it.

“He’ll kill me if he finds out, but he won’t know won’t hurt him.” I mumbled to myself.

That was the day everyone says I snapped.

Two months later

I haven’t left the apartment. They’ve all come knocking on the door, telling me to get over Dan’s death. Dan’s not dead though, he’s just gone out. He’ll be back. I’ve even seen him out the corner of my eye, but he always seems to leave before I get to talk to him. I haven’t slept in ages, I’ve hardly eaten and I don’t talk anymore. My mum has a spare key to the apartment, so she comes and sees me from time to time. Most of the time she comes with PJ and Chris. They seem to think Dan’s dead, but why? They say I’m depressed, that my depression is making me deny that Dan died which I know he hasn’t, and that I’ve gone crazy. I’m not crazy.

I’m in the bathroom staring at my reflection. It’s eleven in the morning and my mum, Chris and PJ and come to see me. There are bags under my eyes which seem dull, I haven’t slept in about three and a half days. My clothes hang off of me; mum says I’ve lost too much weight. I seem paler as well, and my hair is a complete mess, the roots are starting to show. I sigh and walk out of the bathroom and walk towards the living room. I stop, I can hear them all talking.

“He’s lost it.” PJ muttered.

“I know, but do we have to do this?” I heard Chris ask. Do what?

“Yes. He won’t get better unless we send him there.” My mum said.

“It might be for the best.” PJ replied.

“I know, but Sunny Days is a…” Chris said before he was interrupted.

“Yes, it’s a mental hospital. But the longer we ignore the current situation, the worse Phil will get.” Mum told Chris.

“Why are you sending me to a mental institute?” I ask, walking into the living room.

“Because you need help.” PJ said calmly.

“Why do I need help?”

“You need help because you’re not sleeping, you’re not eating and you keep denying the fact that Dan’s dead.” Chris said, staring down at his hands.

“Dan’s not dead though!” I almost yelled. Then I saw him, Dan, standing next to my mum. He was back! “He’s right next to you mum.” She looked but shook her head.

“There’s no one there sweetie.”

“But there is! Dan is right there!”

“PJ, can you call Sunny Days please?” My mum asked him.

“No! I won’t go!”

Then I ran to my room, slamming the door shut.

“DAN!” I screamed. “WHY HAVEN’T YOU COME HOME YET!”